Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts

Saturday, November 25, 2017

// prayer for anxiety //

Prayer for Anxiety


You have not given me a spirit of fear,
But of power,
And love
And a sound mind.


In the name of Jesus Christ,
The name that went steadfastly to the cross,
That sweat blood in the garden to gain
Power over all powers,
Principality over all principalities-


I send you, spirit of fear and anxiety, behind me
Away to whence you came.


This trembling is not from God.
It is not based in reality,
But in lies that are but temptation to doubt,
Doubt that is but temptation to fear,
Fear that is not from you, but from one who is all deceit
And who seeks to deceive me.


I ask your clarity.
Your calm.
Your peace.
Your rest.
To fill my heart and mind and spirit.


Grant me faith to focus on you,
Grant me calm in every fibre of my flesh,
Grant me your peace that passeth all human understanding.
Give me rest so entirely in yourself
That there is no room for the anxiety that wishes to encircle and invade me

Send yourself through every neural pathway.
Fill my veins with the stillness of your love.
Quiet my heart and the foolish thoughts that draw my gaze into myself,
My self-estimation,
My pride,
And my fears.


You have not given the spirit of fear.
You do not ask, nor suggest, but
Command and empower me to be
Strong and of good courage.
I will not be afraid, or dismayed, by what man can do to me, or think of me.


In the name of Jesus I ask you, Father, to take over this vessel.
I confess the sin of mistrust,
I ask your Spirit to fill up, to cleanse, to cast out
The taint of my unbelief.

Do battle for me.
In this struggle that is not just flesh and blood.


I ask this in weak confidence
Knowing that in my weakness,
You will show yourself strong.
As you have before and before,
As you will again and again.


In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.
(Your will is for me, not against me,
And so I place my anxiety into your hands.)


This is an attempt to transcribe a general idea of the prayer that I usually repeat, in various orders, when I am struggling with a bout of anxiety. It's been born of more than 10 years of on and off struggles, particularly because I've been having a bad time of it lately, and is all rooted in either scripture itself or principles of scripture. The parts in italics are parts I tend to repeat several times, almost as a mantra if I can use that term. I firmly believe in the power of addressing besetting sins by name, because they are the work of Satan after all. In naming them, you can center your rejection of them as you claim the promise and power of God. I suggest saying it aloud, or at least under your breath- I find I mean it more that way. I hope this might be of some use or edification for others who struggle with the spirit of fear- feel free to print it or save it somehow if you think it can be helpful for you xx

Monday, October 2, 2017

// looking away //

As a writer, I cherish a desire to lighten this  dark world a bit, through words strung together as well as I can. Whether that’s to enlighten someone’s mind or to lighten the burden of their heart, I take the command to be a ‘light in the world’ seriously when it comes to the task that I think God has set for my life. Not as seriously as I should, maybe- but it guides my growth, and encourages me to try harder, to write more, to be… less lazy. Ahem.

However, as I watch the world spiral, I often become jaded. It’s an undeniable reality that goodness and light are hard to find in this planet we call home. We writers have an embarrassment of riches when it comes to inspiration for all that is cruel, dark and twisted. In the face of it, happy little stories seem trite. Sure, ‘Love What Matters’ and other places highlighting the simple acts of goodness that everyday people are doing are wonderful. They are doing something very, very necessary, in my opinion. But when I zoom out and think about the big picture, it’s easy to brush them aside. It’s beautiful, what people do for good. But it doesn’t seem to stop the darkness.

C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien are two of my role models, as Christians, as people and of course, as authors. Their burden is my burden… it’s a beautiful thing to know our work is all united in its common cause. However, when I begin focusing on what I see around me, the interconnectedness of the devil’s web, I begin to doubt their calling and mine. Tolkien’s high fantasy, insisting on the prevalence of good at the end of every desperate struggle, begins to seem näive. Lewis’ claim that, in the heart of image-bearing man is a thirst for truth, rings hollow in my ears. Even Solomon and Paul, telling me in scripture that God has set understanding in man, that they may be without excuse for their willful ignorance and depravity, just crushes me a little lower.

What good am I in the face of this? What good are my words and ideas, made over from words and ideas people of God have been spinning since the beginning of time?

Ah, there it is. Even in the beginning it was light against dark. It was Noah against the world, building not a story but an ark. It was the prophets, crying out. It was my very Savior, telling parables to the people gather round him while knowing they would shout for his death before they ever understood his meaning. And on and on, it’s always been so. Our time is not unique in it's struggle, not really. It’s always been a few against many. The word of God against deafened hearts. And ever it has been the few that hear and come. The tale of a life spent for God doesn’t have to be one of huge grandeur or scope, one of thousands coming and lives being turned upside down.

It could be one person who reads a book and begins to question, to search

It could be one person who can finally believe they aren’t alone, that their broken heart can mend.

It could even just be me, learning to know God so I can write Him into my stories and essays and heart. 

When Tolkien began his epic tales, I don’t think he had an idea that they would change the world. He just wanted to build the world he saw in his mind, and to tell it to his boys before bed. I don’t think it was meant to be a monumental work of literature, it was meant to be a story. A  story into which he poured the truth that framed his life. It was vastly important to him, but I doubt he expected it to be so important to the millions of people that have since read his tale of valor and baseness, vying in a death grip for the rule of Middle Earth. 

So was he naive to think it’s so simple? That the good actions of a tiny hobbit can really matter in the face of the mighty Mount Doom? Or isn’t that what the stories are that God chose to give us in his Word- stories of little people doing big things through and for Him?

So today, as yet another headline shoots us in the face, as the political clamor ceaselessly cudgels our ears, as your own heart begins to sink a little and doubt, like mine has-


Stop staring evil in the face and look up, away, to goodness. To the goodness for which our souls really do long. If you don’t have the answers, look to that truth. If you don’t have love, look to Christ on the cross. Why is it so hard to realize that our problem isn’t the evil we see, it’s the way we are looking at it? We see through a glass, and all that. We have to learn to stop trusting our own eyes so very much and to trust His, to do every little thing we can. The was my mind works is to see things in webs, so to speak- all the horrible things connecting and connecting until I get completely overwhelmed and apathetic, as though nothing can be done. But the good things do that too! They connect and grow and build on themselves. No-one is an island, and everything we do for good or ill can directly change the world.  Just as Samwise says, the good is there and it is worth fighting for.

I’m writing to myself, you know. I know all this in my head (clearly, since I’ve written it). But do I believe it? In other words, am I acting on it? Not really so much. But I want to. And I hope you do too. 

'For God has not given us a spirit of fear; 
but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.' 
2 Timothy 1:7



Saturday, August 20, 2016

// the test of the talents //




The Test of the Talents

Once there was a man, who had much property, money and influence. He had a grand house, full of well cared for servants. All had good reason to both love and dutifully serve their master, for he had done much for all of them. 

Now it happened that the man had to take a journey, far far away and for an indeterminate length of time. Before he left, he called 6 of his servants. They were picked from various ranks and tasks, some seemingly very important and some more humble, the last being a simple stableboy.

To each servant the man entrusted one talent, safe within a bag. These bags were as varied as their recipients, but the matching of bag to person was sometimes surprising. The treasurer was given a simple leather bag, while the stable boy was given a bag made of shining purple silk. 

‘I leave each of you with the same amount- your task is to do with it what you think wisest, and best. When I return, we will see how each has succeeded.’ With these words, the man swept a cloak over his shoulders, picked up his luggage and went out to enter his coach. The servants heard the clatter of hooves and wheels as their master began his journey, and each wondered when he would return. And they all began to ponder how to best use their talent in the meantime.

For some, the decision was swift, others were worried about their own ability to rightly use the money. The treasurer hurried away to his counting table, to begin thinking about the way to invest and make profit. The cook began to think about what it would provide for a great meal to prepare at the return of his master, mentally listing all his masters favorite foods. The stable boy was perplexed, as he returned to his simple room in the stable. He decided for the moment to think more and ask advice of others who might know better what to do with his talent. The housemaid decided that undoubtedly the best thing to do would be to update her own wardrobe- surely the master would think that a worthy endeavor? The gardener began to remember the longing he had once had to risk something really important, and thoughtfully handled the bag, wondering if his time had finally come. The butler began to wonder the same thing, he too thinking about what way he could use this one talent to increase it’s worth, maybe tenfold!

Time passed and the servants began to carry out their various plans.

The stable boy, after hearing each plan of the others, finally decided to use the talent to buy seed and plant a new garden. This soon proved to be a wise choice, for the gardener could no longer tend his duties. The others didn’t give much mind to the simple stable boy as he toiled at his garden after his normal duties, but they would have missed the fruit of his labor had it ceased.

The treasurer first began to think about a wise investment. But before long, the one talent of his own began to have a strange effect on him. He polished and fondled it, tossing away the masters leathern bag and fashioning a gaudy jeweled box to display his talent as it glittered uselessly on the shelf.

The cook, knowing that he lacked the skill or canniness to invest his talent outside, instead saved it carefully against the day the master returned, his magnificent feast already planned in his mind. In the meantime he continued faithfully  carry out his duties in the kitchen, preparing the food that the stable boy brought in.

The housemaid went and bought a new wardrobe and soon her work began to suffer, for she dawdled before the mirror and flounced with her dresses when she ought to have been working. She began, with her new finery, to flirt and tease some of the menservants, and began to slowly lose her once good reputation even in the town. Many wondered at the master keeping such a loose and frivolous maid, and his name began to suffer through her careless, vain actions.

The gardener and the butler both researched the best options for investing their talents. Neither lacked in careful planning, but they avoided the foolishness of the treasurer in laying dormant for so long that the talent became an end in itself. Each invested their talent. Before long, the gardener gain was pouring back in, a great success. But the butler, through no fault of his own, lost even the one talent he had used. He was devastated and fearful, wondering what the master would do.

Eventually, the master arrived with no warning. The house went into a flurry, the maid trying futilely to catch up on her neglected work, the cook ordering ingredients and cooking madly, sending the stable boy out for his prize vegetables. The treasurer gave his talent a last polish, shining up even the box in which it sat. In the shadow of the masters return it seemed to have somehow lost its luster, and a strange nervousness sat in his heart. The gardener prepared a presentation of his earnings, while the butler, his lips dry and his spirit heavy, tried to think what he could say to his master. At last the meal was set, and the master called all 6 servants into the room. They waited, quietly, while he ate. At last, he cleared his throat and sat back.

‘Before I left, I entrusted you each with one talent, to use wisely. Now I have returned and the time is come to give an account of how you have done. Cook, you have outdone yourself with this wonderful meal- I have tasted all of my favorite things and your personal gift to me has given me much joy. How did you use your talent?’

“Well, master, you’ve been eating it. I couldn’t think of anything better I’d like to do than to cook you the best meal possible, one that you alone would enjoy more than anyone else could. So I’ve planned and planned, and now you’ve had it, and I’m truly happy if you liked it sir, that I am.’ And he gave a little bow, his round cheeks even more flushed than usual. 

The master smiled. ‘Your gift thought only to give me pleasure. And yet, I see too that everyone here has been well fed in my absence. You were faithful in your task and that gives me as much pleasure as this-‘ he motioned to the table-‘ your labour of love. Well done, my faithful servant.’

Next came the house maid, her fancy dress swishing on the floor. She stood in a theatrical way, purposefully exaggerated. The master observed her with a critical eye, under which her brazenness faded. She looked down and began-

‘I- I bought myself new things, with my talent, sir. I- I thought, well, you know- it would look nicer, around the house and surely it’s no crime for a lass to want a few pretty things.’ She was growing defensive, though the master had said nothing. ‘Folks notice me, in town, and they know who I work for, that they do. Maybe my heads been turned a little, but my works not suffered, not much that is-‘

‘You have fooled yourself, child, if no one else. Yes, fooled yourself and made a fool of yourself, at once. I have heard in town of your new reputation, and it’s reflection on mine. Your vanity and selfish self-absorption have caused more damage than you know, to yourself and others. Those garments you bought can do nothing for you, and I want you to gather them up and burn them, then return to the duties you are meant to fulfill. The only garments suitable for my house are those I gave you.’ 

The maid stepped back and burst into tears. Next, the treasurer came, clutching his box with desperate pride.

‘I thought about many things I could do with this talent, sir… I counted up many sums that could have worked well to invest, and thought of many things I could purchase. But then I began to realize sir, how lovely the talent really was. I think I’ve never seen such a talent as this one, in all the years of counting and keeping I’ve done. So I used my own time and money to produce this box to display it in, and I’ve polished and cared for it so. See, how it shines?’ His voice, though still loving and almost furtive as he gazed into the box, had a disillusioned ring to the edge. The master looked sad.

‘This talent was not given to you, for you. It was not given as an end, but as a means. And yet you have turned it into an idol, and worse yet an utterly useless one. I would far rather you had lost the talent at the bottom of the sea than see you so given over to it, as though it were a living thing. I have been told of how little you now provide for the needs of the poor, and though I wondered at the telling at first it is now made plain to me. You have devoted your time to something that in the end is nothing. The only course that can help you now is to destroy the box and the talent within. But the box is yours and you cannot rid yourself of one without the other. This choice is yours- but if you refuse you will no longer be able to retain your post. ‘

The treasurer stared for a long moment from his master to the box. But it was too late. Though the sight of the glittering thing jarred his eyes now, and he almost hated it, it had too thoroughly stolen his heart. His feet as heavy as lead, he left the room. His master watched him go with deep sorrow etched on his face, almost as though his very heart ached.

“Perhaps someday his fate will change and he will be restored once more. Until he is willing to give it up, I can do no more. And you, stable boy. You were awed by the riches of the bag I gave you as much as the value of the money inside. What have you done with your talent?’

The stable boy shifted from foot to foot, embarrassed at being called on.

‘Well, begging you pardon, I didn’t rightly know what to do at first. I heard all the others plans and, begging all your pardons, none of them seemed quite right for me, if you know what I mean sir. I did think about doing something grand, but I didn’t know just what. And then I said to myself, ‘you’re nothing but a little fellow, and simple at that. Do something as you can handle, my lad, or you’ll just look a fool.’ So I looked about and don’t you know, I’ve always hankered to grow a garden of my own, much as I love the horses and critters. So I bought seeds, and a book or two, and I started work. And wouldn’t you know, I wasn’t half bad, begging your pardon sir, and yours Mr. Gardener. But things just grew and grew, the more I worked at them the better it seemed. And then, you know, Mr. Gardener couldn’t keep up with his work on account he had to tend to other things, so since I was already doing my own I just stepped in, as it it were. Just as handy! So, sir, that’s what I done, begging your pardon. I hope it was well, though I can hardly hope it was as wise as it ought to have been, and I daresay I should have chosen different. I did do my best, though, sir.’ Abashed at the length of his own speech, the stable boy stepped back into line without waiting for his masters reply. His master was smiling.

‘Blessed are the humble, for they shall be exalted’ He said. ‘You have done wisely, and rightly, my boy. Not only did you remember your own shortcomings, you have used them to bring great gain. Not only did you do well yourself, you were there to help another. Your contribution aided the whole household, although you didn’t boast, nor many even thank or notice. Yet I see all, and I commend you. Well done, my good, faithful, humble servant!’

 The masted turned last to the two remaining. The gardener looked eager, but the butler didn’t raise his eyes, licking his lips and wringing his hands. The master looked concerned, but graciously called the gardener first. He stepped out confidently, holding out a folder filled with papers. This his master took, and perused it while the gardener spoke. 

‘ You know, sir, I’ve long wanted to really DO something, something big and risky. Not foolhardy, but something that really counted, that could cost me something. Something that could tear you up by the roots- not to go all garden talk on you. But I did my research- some of which you can see in that folder- and I went for it. I invested the money you gave me and it’s payed back 10 times more than I even hoped. And what is more, it’s now firmly rooted so it should keep bearing fruit for years to come. I’m proud, sir, I won’t deny it. But I’m also thankful, thankful I dared to try it and be able to stand here with my head high-‘ 

He paused, suddenly remembering the butler, whose set face had paled a little. ‘But I certainly can take no credit beyond doing my research and trying to do right. A man can’t do more than that. The rest’s just luck, or providence, I guess.’ He finished quietly, glancing at the butler. 

These last words seemed to bolster the butler a little and without waiting, he stepped forward.
‘It was the same for me, as what he described.’  His voice trembled. ‘I looked at all the information and chose what I thought would be best, but- I failed, sir. I failed, I lost the talent, and disgraced your house. If you see fit I would not think it wrong of you to send me away, sir.’ A tear slipped down his cheek despite his efforts to be calm. At last his strength failed and he put a hand to his face, quiet sobs shaking his shoulders. The gardener put a comforting hand on his shoulder. What would the master say? 

He said nothing for a long moment. Then, the sound of the chair being pushed back across the floor startlingly loud in the silence, he rose.

‘You say you failed.’ He began, his eyes distant. ‘How do we define failure? You did the same as this man- but the outcome was different. Can we judge your actions by their purpose? Or must we judge them solely by their consequence? You set out to do right- you did do right. Your intention was to do what was best with your talent. You think you failed, because what happened was not what you thought should happen. But you, yourself, have not failed. You did well. ‘ He reached into his pocket and held out a new talent, glinting in the evening sunlight that poured through the window. ‘Not only did you do your best, you came to me honestly when you had failed, if failure you call it. Here is a second chance. But never forget that what we see as failure can in fact be the gateway to something even better.’ 

The change that came over the butlers face was astonishing. It seemed to radiate with a reflection of the sunlight that already had begun to fade. He bowed low.

‘Thank you, master.’ His voice shook, but gained strength as he went on. ‘I see now that your test of our wisdom was in fact a display of your own. You wished us not only to do, but to learn. To learn of ourselves, our strengths and weaknesses. But also to learn of you. You’ve given me this second chance, and it is my honor to continue to serve you as best as I can.’

The master smiled, and looked from one to another.

‘He has spoken rightly. You have all done what you thought best. Or,’ glancing at the housemaid,  ‘what you wished was best, though in your heart I think you knew the difference. And you have all learned something. You now can better serve both me, and the world, if you choose to use your learning rightly. Now, you may go. Go and continue to learn, continue to serve. And remember this test of the talents.’


The end.

this is something I've been pondering for sometime. I needed in my own heart to know- what would the Master say?? And although I think this is the answer, it's so hard to accept in your heart. What if my own plans went awry? Could I trust the Master to make things right, His way? This story is a challenge for me, and I hope to readers as well. Let me know what you think!! The one character I forgot was a grumbler- maybe someday I'll rework the story and add some things. In the meantime- enjoy!!

p.s. I searched for hours to try to find a nice image to go with this but I give up. Abbiee et al., I don't know how you do it. 

Monday, May 16, 2016

// the quote tag pt. 2//

Well I had an amazing Tolkien quote picked out, however my internet is acting up so I couldn't get the photo. Hopeful tomorrow.

'Now Faith… is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods. For moods will change, whatever view your reason takes. I know that by experience. Now that I am a Christian I do have moods in which the whole thing looks very improbable: but when I was an atheist I had moods in which Christianity looked terribly probable. This rebellion of your moods against your real self is going to come anyway. That is why Faith is such a necessary virtue: unless you teach your moods ‘where they get off’, you can never be either a sound Christian or even a sound atheist, but just a creature dithering to and fro, with its beliefs really dependent on the weather and the state of its digestion. Consequently one must train the habit of Faith.

C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity 

This quote is one of the dearest to my own changeable heart. The realization of the truth that it speaks of has totally changed my thinking and brought me a lot of peace. The fact is, our feelings, our 'faith' for that matter, don't mean a thing apart from the God in whom they are placed anyways. If my Faith depended on my 'faith' it wouldn't be worth placing faith in to begin with! 

This full quote is often shortened to the more memorable

'Faith is the art of holding on to things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances.'

Which is in fact the quote I remembered, however upon searching it found the whole thing (which I have read of course but didn't know by heart.) Sadly I don't have a photographic memory. It's one of my greater sorrows to be honest.

Anyways, see you tomorrow for the last installment!
 
Todays tags

Melody @Bloom for Jesus
Abby @ My Favorite Things
Abby @ Chronicles in Bloom