// prayer for anxiety //

Prayer for Anxiety

You have not given me a spirit of fear,

But of power,

And love

And a sound mind.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

The name that went steadfastly to the cross,

That sweat blood in the garden to gain

Power over all powers,

Principality over all principalities-

I send you, spirit of fear and anxiety, behind me

Away to whence you came.

This trembling is not from God.

It is not based in reality,

But in lies that are but temptation to doubt,

Doubt that is but temptation to fear,

Fear that is not from you, but from one who is all deceit

And who seeks to deceive me.

I ask your clarity.

Your calm.

Your peace.

Your rest.

To fill my heart and mind and spirit.

Grant me faith to focus on you,

Grant me calm in every fibre of my flesh,

Grant me your peace that passeth all human understanding.

Give me rest so entirely in yourself

That there is no room for the anxiety that wishes to encircle and invade me

Send yourself through every neural pathway.

Fill my veins with the stillness of your love.

Quiet my heart and the foolish thoughts that draw my gaze into myself,

My self-estimation,

My pride,

And my fears.

You have not given the spirit of fear.

You do not ask, nor suggest, but

Command and empower me to be

Strong and of good courage.

I will not be afraid, or dismayed, by what man can do to me, or think of me.

In the name of Jesus I ask you, Father, to take over this vessel.

I confess the sin of mistrust,

I ask your Spirit to fill up, to cleanse, to cast out

The taint of my unbelief.

Do battle for me.
In this struggle that is not just flesh and blood.

I ask this in weak confidence

Knowing that in my weakness,

You will show yourself strong.

As you have before and before,

As you will again and again.

In the name of Jesus Christ,

Amen.

(Your will is for me, not against me,

And so I place my anxiety into your hands.)

This is an attempt to transcribe a general idea of the prayer that I usually repeat, in various orders, when I am struggling with a bout of anxiety. It's been born of more than 10 years of on and off struggles, particularly because I've been having a bad time of it lately, and is all rooted in either scripture itself or principles of scripture. The parts in italics are parts I tend to repeat several times, almost as a mantra if I can use that term. I firmly believe in the power of addressing besetting sins by name, because they are the work of Satan after all. In naming them, you can center your rejection of them as you claim the promise and power of God. I suggest saying it aloud, or at least under your breath- I find I mean it more that way. I hope this might be of some use or edification for others who struggle with the spirit of fear- feel free to print it or save it somehow if you think it can be helpful for you xx

//shadows//

via pinterest

The shadows of doubt in my heart, are perhaps only the areas where my self and sin are blocking the light of God. 

The areas where obstacles, real or imagined, purposeful or unaware, are between me and illumination. Darkening my vision and rendering difficult trust.

 Take my hand, oh Lord, and guide me out of those dark places. Or if it's Your will, help me learn to lean on You with my own eyes shut.

// doubts //

I wish I could get rid of it.

The vague sense of uneasiness

The tiny whisper inside that

no matter what I'm doing

it's wrong.

I'm wrong.

And when it grows into a persistent murmur 

that everything's wrong

and I have everything backwards

My thoughts go double and start

to spin.

Is what I believe a vapor,

instead of a rock?

Is the world right?

Can my God be trusted?

Is He even there?

Of course these doubts can't stand

but they turn my stomach,

it sinks like the gaze of a guilty criminal

and sometimes it sinks so low

that the windows of my soul

seem dark and streaked with freezing rain

that sometimes turn to burning tears 

on my cheeks.

But this too shall pass.

Rosy sunshine will disperse the dark.

That vague sense of uneasiness 

retreats for the moment.

And my Savior seems so close

and so trustworthy.

Maybe even close to as trustworthy as He is.

And though I can't get rid of it

(that vague sense of my own uneasiness)

Maybe it's not a bad thing.

Maybe these whispers are in there for a reason.

Because if you have no doubts,

you can  walk on water yourself.

But when the doubts begin to drown you,

Jesus puts out His wounded hands

and pulls you into His safety.

Where else should I want to be?

written September 13, 2015

//pro-life//

Steady heartbeat

Perfect little thumb

peaceful face.

Silver instrument

Silent scream

Whirl of blackness

Dull red nothingness.

"It's all right ma'am

all taken care of."

Really?

"Just a clump of tissue, 

it's gone now."

Really?

Because I thought

 tissues were for drying tears

and wiping runny little noses

not smiling and moving and being alive.

"NOT ALIVE."

Oh really? Really Doctor?

I think you're wrong this time.

"You can go back to normal,

don't worry."

Normal? I'm glad this is

normal for you, because

for the Life you just took,

I somehow don't think

it was.

----------------------------------------------------

"I will praise Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."

"Before I formed you in your mothers womb, I knew you..."

//Fear//

When we hold onto fear, we are really still holding on to our control in a difficult situation. When all we know how to do is fear., to give up control and give it to God would be relinquishing our own power, however feeble and inept.

Just a thought... more to me than anyone.