// doubts //

I wish I could get rid of it.

The vague sense of uneasiness

The tiny whisper inside that

no matter what I'm doing

it's wrong.

I'm wrong.

And when it grows into a persistent murmur 

that everything's wrong

and I have everything backwards

My thoughts go double and start

to spin.

Is what I believe a vapor,

instead of a rock?

Is the world right?

Can my God be trusted?

Is He even there?

Of course these doubts can't stand

but they turn my stomach,

it sinks like the gaze of a guilty criminal

and sometimes it sinks so low

that the windows of my soul

seem dark and streaked with freezing rain

that sometimes turn to burning tears 

on my cheeks.

But this too shall pass.

Rosy sunshine will disperse the dark.

That vague sense of uneasiness 

retreats for the moment.

And my Savior seems so close

and so trustworthy.

Maybe even close to as trustworthy as He is.

And though I can't get rid of it

(that vague sense of my own uneasiness)

Maybe it's not a bad thing.

Maybe these whispers are in there for a reason.

Because if you have no doubts,

you can  walk on water yourself.

But when the doubts begin to drown you,

Jesus puts out His wounded hands

and pulls you into His safety.

Where else should I want to be?

written September 13, 2015

//

//Where are you, my love?//

//Across a sea of time, darling. Keep on sailing and you'll find me yet.//

found via Pinterest

//He commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey Him//

'For He commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof... He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves therof are still.'

Psalm 107:25,29

Winslow Homer

'Thou rulest the raging of the sea: when the waves thereof arise, thou stillest them,'

Psalm 89:9

Winslow Homer

'Which stilleth the noise of the seas, the noise of their waves...

and the tumult of the people.'

Psalm 65:7, emphasis added

God is in control of the universe. The oceans, unfathomable to us, are held or release by His voice, 

their ebb and flow weak compared to His Breath of Life.

We need not fear what men can do to us.

God is more vast, more deep, then the ocean itself. 

We can't even imagine or begin to comprehend.

I wish I could... Instead I will contemplate the sea.

It's wideness(not as wide as His mercy), it's depth(nowhere near as deep as His love) and it's terrible power(nothing compared to Him).

It can wash away a life in a heartbeat.

He can wash clean a life in an instant.

Now that I'm thinking about the ocean I realize I could go until the water meets the horizon 

seeing ways God reveals Himself in this one section of His creation.

I think He must like symbolism, myself.

He put it into every bit of His work. It is for us to look for it. And to see it in all it's beauty. 

And of course. to show it to others. in our own work, picturing His work and Himself. His children, his workmanship- also revealing Him, alongside all creation.