Always thinking, even when I'm resting they're there
Like a leaden weight that comes
fighting to life again like a wildcat.
So heavy. They make me clumsy, they trip me up over and over.
On my shoulder-worse. In my mind.
Like having to carry an elephant(that should be carrying me.)
Great monstrous beast.
But then, a long time ago,
Someone else had a ponderous load
that wasn't by right His to carry.
That shouldn't have been a burden at all.
One of others creation, a fallen creation
Not like my self-made elephant-
HE was master
and the load should have been under His feet
not on His back.
Wooden Beams of Infinite Heaviness.
The master carrying, and not just carrying the underling, but
every woe and evil the fallen underling x 6 billion x 6 thousand years x an infinity of sin.
More than we can conceive of.
Carrying it all uphill, dying with it, washing it away and rising up above it, above all of it.
So maybe these ponderous thoughts are no curse
Even if a cursed mind and body must bear them
taint them with my own earthiness
and maybe when it seems I shouldn't have to carry them
I can just remember I'm just a servant after all
and made for burden of purpose and glory.
Maybe it seems the thoughts should lighten my load
but maybe they can lighten others
combined with Grace,
makes the unbearable burden
a little more bearable.