I wish I could get rid of it.
The vague sense of uneasiness
The tiny whisper inside that
no matter what I'm doing
And when it grows into a persistent murmur
that everything's wrong
and I have everything backwards
My thoughts go double and start
Is what I believe a vapor,
instead of a rock?
Is the world right?
Can my God be trusted?
Is He even there?
Of course these doubts can't stand
but they turn my stomach,
it sinks like the gaze of a guilty criminal
and sometimes it sinks so low
that the windows of my soul
seem dark and streaked with freezing rain
that sometimes turn to burning tears
on my cheeks.
But this too shall pass.
Rosy sunshine will disperse the dark.
That vague sense of uneasiness
retreats for the moment.
And my Savior seems so close
and so trustworthy.
Maybe even close to as trustworthy as He is.
And though I can't get rid of it
(that vague sense of my own uneasiness)
Maybe it's not a bad thing.
Maybe these whispers are in there for a reason.
Because if you have no doubts,
you can walk on water yourself.
But when the doubts begin to drown you,
Jesus puts out His wounded hands
and pulls you into His safety.
Where else should I want to be?
written September 13, 2015