//what I've been reading//

I'm safely back from my sojourn to college. I'll be doing a nice long post about it soon. For now, thank you for your prayers- the trip was wonderful and God used it in my heart for sure.

But for today, I thought I'd do a post in response to a request by Anna-

What have I been reading?

Hm.

Lately I've been really into L.M. Montgomery's short story collections. They are free on kindle so I've read quite a few volumes. I like her other works as well, but her short stories are truly superb. And I feel that we share some qualities style-wise in our writing, which is very encouraging. Her characterization is worthy of aspiration- for me, characters are more important than plot, I love characters and capturing true personality's and quirks and, above all, human flaws. L.M. Montgomery does this flawlessly. I recommend her short stories highly.

I also recently read 'The Ankulen' by Kendra A. Ardnek. She was offering several works free for kindle so I decided to try them out. I haven't yet read the others, but this one was amazing. Her use of imaginative fantasy as a young girl goes on a journey to save her own imagination is wonderful. You can truly feel with the main character as she is horrified at the colorless ruin her imagination has sunk into. The allegorical thread throughout is what captured me the most. The message of the story is how those who are gifted artistically must use their gifts for God and others... anyone could love this book, but any Christian artist would be especially blessed.

I also tried some short works by Dostoevsky- White Nights, notes from the underground and a few others, as well as 'The Grand Inquisitor' from 'the Brothers Karamazov'.  I enjoyed them all deeply, they were right up my ally stylistically and thought provoking as well. I can't necessarily recommend them wholeheartedly because they are somewhat mature in parts. You'd just have to use your own discretion there. But I did enjoy them a lot, although 'Notes from the Underground' was more than a little depressing. Russian work that I've read is quite dark over all(I've read a bit of Tolstoy too). It did amuse me the way the characters viewed other countries- Germany and France are mentioned as soft romantic place(which is hardly how I see them) while Italy is practically a heavenly dreamland of golden sunlight and endless love and happiness(which may or may not line up somewhat with my view;). I definitely want to read more from both of them.

Those are the main things that come to mind... I've also been reading my Bible a lot more. I re-read 'The Rope Trick' by Lloyd Alexander not long ago(if you've been to my other blog you'll know my feelings on his work.). I finished a second read of Oliver Twist... not much else in the fairly recent past.

Oh, 'The Book Thief"!! I did read that a while back. Another great work, much deeper than the film, but again it contains some things I can't wholly recommend. It is a wonderful book, though.

So that;s mainly what I've been reading... I don't read as much as I used to. I have a harder time these days finding books that are at a level I can enjoy without containing too much that makes me uncomfortable. Any suggestions are welcome!! Especially something philosophical that will make me think.

A post about my trip, the college and what God taught me there, is soon forthcoming.

Thank you for reading!!

//just to let you know//

I'll be gone for the next week.
My mom and I are going to BJU for a college tour.
I'd appreciate prayers for travel safety and also that God would use the trip to show me His will, or at least 'nudge' me in that direction.

And, I probably won't be blogging while we're gone.

That's all... thank you! Have a wonderful, blessed week.

//poem by emily dickinson//

//if I can touch one soul for God, I shall not live in vain.//

//question//

I have a question for anyone who may read this...

nothing too deep don't worry.

I'm just wondering if anyone has anything they'd like a post on.

Just a simple thought, a Bible verse, a question you'd like my opinion on, even a prayer request. Anything you like.

I can't guarantee I'll write it, but I'd love to try and tackle most anything.

Let me know anytime.

//such a little member//

My dad asked me to write a devotional for him to teach at a men's supper tonight, so I thought I'd share it here too...

Passage in James about bridling the tongue

Christians today- the continuous cycle and progression of 'acceptable speech' and how it disintegrates over time.

Genesis- the temptation with words, the excuse of Adam and the immediate problem of sin through speech stemming from the fall.

(Those were the original, basic themes my dad gave me to write on, in my wording)

James 3:1-12
 My brethren, be not many masters, knowing that we shall receive the greater condemnation. (James is warning those who would become teachers- you have to be even more careful what you say.)

2 For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. (If a man-the word here is actually specifically male- can control his tongue, he will have the self-control he needs to control the rest of his body and habits.)

3 Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body. (A bit in a horses mouth, although small in comparison to such a large animal, nonetheless has the ability to steer it completely, especially if the horse is well trained and obedient to it's master.)

4 Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. (Again, even though a ship can be extremely vast, it is steered by a helm that is a fraction of it's own size, under the direction of the captain.)

5 Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!(Just like these seemingly small items, the tongue is small in comparison even to just one human body. But it's effects are huge. It has the power through words to start off matters of importance that are far greater than it's own being. Like a little match can start a wild fire if used carelessly, so too is our tongue.)

6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.(In just the tongue can be contained all the sinfulness known to man. You can talk about sin without doing it, and in this harmful conversation your mind and whole body is defiled. Satan can and does use our human tongue to set in motion his plots, if we aren't being careful to practice and train our words and thoughts in Godly directions.)

7 For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind: (Animals can be tamed through mans skill, but-)

8 But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. (Not the tongue. Man alone cannot control that little thing, it seemingly has a mind of it's own!! And it strikes out to others like a snake, poisoning them with our anger, or our sinful ideas, or just our foolishness.)

9 Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. (We often use our tongues to practice out our own hypocrisy and deceit)

10 Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be. (Speaking about God as though we are saintly and then cursing and speaking badly of other humans, fellow image bearers of the very God we claim to bless! I know I(Nina) am personally very guilty of this...)

11 Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter? (So what does it say when our words are mainly bitter, except maybe on a Sunday at church or to a friend we meet?)

12 Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. (It shows exactly what is in the heart, from whence or words and thoughts spring. Sins of the tongue are the outflowing of sinful heart attitudes, and this is why God is so concerned. He wants us to think about what we are saying because when we do, we will have to evaluate where these words are coming from. He ultimately wants to consider our hearts and where they are in first: relation to him and second: relation to others, which is really just a facet of the first point. How we treat others says worlds about how we really, deep down, view our God.)

Ecclesiastes 10:12-13
The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious;but the lips of a fool will swallow up himself. The beginning of the words of his mouth is foolishness: and the end of his talk is mischievous madness.

When we are not practicing bridling our tongue, our habits drag us farther and farther along the sinful path. At the beginning our words may just(seem to)be foolishness, but in the end they produce madness if we don't correct them! And not just madness for us, the speaker, personally- it effects many, many others and though it seems incredible, one foolish speaker combined with other foolish speakers, on and on, ultimately effects all people!

 One man's words plant ideas in another mans mind, he in turn proclaims them until many other people are indoctrinated with lies started by one little tongue. As a side note, our tongues are really always bridled. If we don't have them under control, Satan is only too happy to take the reins and use us. Scary.

Think about the very beginning- The serpents false tongue, used by Satan, Eve's lack of discernment, listening to his lie and then spreading the lie to her husband, and finally Adam's disobedience, brought about the downfall of all humanity. And then Adam used his tongue in sin for the first time-

Genisis 3:12- And the man said, The woman who though gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.

He blamed Eve. His words to God were to shift the culpability to another.

Genisis 3:13 And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this though hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.

Eve, too, shifts blame to the serpent, whose deceitful words did in fact start the whole chain. God punishes the serpent, Eve, and then Adam. Note that in the passage (Genesis 3:17) Adam is specifically called out for hearkening to the foolish words of his wife, words of devastating consequence.

And so it began. The cycle of words and their effects. From the fall, words immediately became predominantly sinful, stemming from hearts now affected by sin. We see it in our own lives- how ideas start with some speaker and then eventually become established and looked at as truth. Of course not all ideas spread this way are bad, because obviously not all words are bad. It goes both ways. However, falsehood seems to spread much more easily than truth.

But thankfully, the Word came and dwelt among us, and gives us the power to use our tongues to proclaim him. We can use each of our tongues for good or evil- to show who we really serve. To be honest this is scary. How often are our tongues revealing that our focus is hardly on God at all? Way too often in my life, and I suspect in yours too.

So what are you kindling with your tongue? Is it bridled to God's words or is it steering you way off course? It's a little member, but small things can cause the hugest effects, seemingly far out of proportion to the size of what generated them.

Watch your words. Put that unruly tongue under God's will and get out there with confidence! Knowing that if bad words can start a fire of widespread destruction, God's words spoken by obedient servants can start a whole different kind of fire- the Spirit filled fire of revival and salvation.

(I know that I need work in this area. or should I say further work? I've been working on it for years and I most likely will have to continue working on it for as many more. Anyways I enjoyed writing this and was glad to help my dad, although it made me a little nervous that it would be presented before a group! And it's something I want to try to make a point to re-read and apply. I hope you enjoy it too.)

//

//how strange it seems to be so lonely for someone you've never met//

//He commandeth even the winds and water, and they obey Him//

'For He commandeth, and raiseth the stormy wind, which lifteth up the waves thereof... He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves therof are still.'

Psalm 107:25,29

Winslow Homer

'Thou rulest the raging of the sea: when the waves thereof arise, thou stillest them,'

Psalm 89:9

Winslow Homer

'Which stilleth the noise of the seas, the noise of their waves...

and the tumult of the people.'

Psalm 65:7, emphasis added

God is in control of the universe. The oceans, unfathomable to us, are held or release by His voice, 

their ebb and flow weak compared to His Breath of Life.

We need not fear what men can do to us.

God is more vast, more deep, then the ocean itself. 

We can't even imagine or begin to comprehend.

I wish I could... Instead I will contemplate the sea.

It's wideness(not as wide as His mercy), it's depth(nowhere near as deep as His love) and it's terrible power(nothing compared to Him).

It can wash away a life in a heartbeat.

He can wash clean a life in an instant.

Now that I'm thinking about the ocean I realize I could go until the water meets the horizon 

seeing ways God reveals Himself in this one section of His creation.

I think He must like symbolism, myself.

He put it into every bit of His work. It is for us to look for it. And to see it in all it's beauty. 

And of course. to show it to others. in our own work, picturing His work and Himself. His children, his workmanship- also revealing Him, alongside all creation. 

//les miserables//

 

I love Les Miserables.
The book, the musical(25th anniversary concert, is all I'll say), and even the newest film, though I have some issues with, well, most of the casting. I own an old French film version that I've yet to watch, but I can't wait to watch that as well.

The beauty and humanity of the story, the themes of redemption and love, and the drama and realism of the characters.. (I haven't yet read more of Victor Hugo's work, but I'm planning on it. The Disney film of "The Hunchback of Notre-dame" has made me want to read the book, although I know it's much darker.)

And Enjolras and the others don't harm anything either.

"Do you hear the people sing? 

Singing the songs of angry men,

 It is the music of a people 

who will not be slaves again! 

When the beating of your heart

echoes the beating of the drums, 

there is a life about to start

when tomorrow comes!"

Fantine's story is so tragic but true. And although it seems far removed, a story of the past, my heart breaks when I think of the women even today who- through, yes, their own poor choice, much of the time, just like Fantine- are put in the same position. And even though it often is their own fault, does that make it any less sad? I often try not to think about human trafficking- the horror of it is too real and as a young woman myself, a little too close to home in it's fearfulness. But if we turn away, who will help them? I pray that God will someday use me to help those in literal bondage...

"There was a time when men were kind

When their voices were soft

and their words inviting,

There was a time when love was blind,

and the world was a song

and the song was exciting

there was a time....

then it all 

went

     wrong..."

And of course, Cosette and Marius' heartwarming love story. So maybe, in the musical especially, it seems a little... silly. But when you think about it, particularly if you've read the book, their story is a beautiful example of pure, true love. I don't know about you, but when I read Solomon's example of a courtship (Song of Solomon 1-2), I don't see perfectly planned outings and strict rules. Nor do I see immoral, halfhearted dating around with whoever strikes you at the moment.

 I see two people whom God has brought into love, sitting in a garden, talking heart to heart about their love and coming marriage and their deep love for each other. It's beautiful. We shouldn't forget that God ordained love, between the two hearts of a man and a woman. We shouldn't be scared of it, any more than we should cheapen it. Our society has distorted love, but I fear we Christians either go with that flow, or in our proper fear of it distort love too far in the other direction.

Love in the end is just a gift, another picture of Himself that God placed in creation to remind us of who and what He is.

And then there is beautiful Marius-in the book he is a lovely thing, much more so than in the musical-Eponine's selfless love, Jean Valjean of course and his amazing redemption, Javert and his dilemma of justice and grace, The Friends of the ABC and their vision for a better future...

So these are just a few of the reasons I love Les Miz. And you'll probably see more of it in future posts. But for now, 

"Remember the truth that once was spoken- To love another person is to see the face of God."

all artwork original by myself

lyrics from 'Les Miserables'

Untitled #210

Untitled #210 by ninaanddaki featuring a blue planter

Theory turtleneck crop top
theory.com

Topshop highwaisted skinny jeans
topshop.com

Étoile Isabel Marant marled socks
$81 - farfetch.com

Birkenstock adjustable strap shoes
$100 - shopbop.com

Bling Jewelry fake jewelry
blingjewelry.com

Shinola water resistant watch
bloomingdales.com

Calvin Klein tortoiseshell eyeglass
glassesusa.com

Dot Bo blue planter
dotandbo.com

//Grace- a song/poem by me//

Grace

I'm holding out this gift, 

It's just within your reach,

Believe and take what's offered 

And step across the breach.

I know you feel unworthy,

Like you shouldn't get this grace,

But I died for your redemption,

 And you're not a hopeless case

No one's too far for my love,

No one's beyond its endless reach 

Believe and take what's offered, 

And step across the breach 

You know how much you need me,

 Though you've tried to keep it in, 

I AM enough for all you are,

Every past and future sin

Don't keep on resisting,

Let go of self and pride,

I long to give you perfect peace,

And see you wholly satisfied. 

No one's too far for my love, 

No one's beyond its endless reach,

 Believe and take what's offered,  

And step across the breach

Come to Me now, I'm waiting, 

For you to repent and believe,

Turn from your sin to salvation, 

To the cleansing you can receive

* * *

A song I wrote awhile back.

It's a weird thing... I've written two songs that I actually like

 and both times they woke me up in the morning demanding to be written.

They didn't come from me.

Because I was asleep.

Not thinking

About writing songs or anything else.

But I think it did have some inspiration, other than just God deciding I should write this song,

Someone who was on my mind.

Never stop praying for those who you long to see saved.

Never never never.

Because God wants them too. 

But He wants you to pray for it.

//pro-life//

Steady heartbeat

Perfect little thumb

peaceful face.

Silver instrument

Silent scream

Whirl of blackness

Dull red nothingness.

"It's all right ma'am

all taken care of."

Really?

"Just a clump of tissue, 

it's gone now."

Really?

Because I thought

 tissues were for drying tears

and wiping runny little noses

not smiling and moving and being alive.

"NOT ALIVE."

Oh really? Really Doctor?

I think you're wrong this time.

"You can go back to normal,

don't worry."

Normal? I'm glad this is

normal for you, because

for the Life you just took,

I somehow don't think

it was.

----------------------------------------------------

"I will praise Thee for I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."

"Before I formed you in your mothers womb, I knew you..."

//art //

 I've just been looking at some art...
(I'm supposed to be cleaning. I can't escape it forever.)

These portraits of Bedouins by John Singer Sargent are just really beautiful to me.










 They are so regal and defiant... and it makes me sad knowing  when these beautiful people died, their souls were probably lost forever.

 John Singer Sargent








"Go you therefore and teach all nations..." Matthew 28:19












And these portraits of Egyptian Woman... I'm not sure if they are both the same lady. She's so proud and mysterious.

John Singer Sargent

                                                                               Philip Alexius de Laszlo

And then this painting I found on Pinterest a long time ago... (I finally just did an image search and discovered the who the artist is. I'm loving his work.)

Anyways, this is one of, if not the, most beautiful portraits I've ever seen... I'm slightly obsessed and I only wish I could paint that well. His eyes, his turban, his expression!

These aren't very ponderous thoughts. Just beautiful paintings.

And a challenge, both personal and to anyone reading- how are you doing with your witnessing? I'm absolutely terrible. Shyness is an easy excuse... but I'm not sure in light of the souls it could be wasting that it's a very good one.

What's your excuse?

//Fear//

When we hold onto fear, we are really still holding on to our control in a difficult situation. When all we know how to do is fear., to give up control and give it to God would be relinquishing our own power, however feeble and inept.

Just a thought... more to me than anyone.

//1 Year Ago//

1 year ago, 

Me.

Sitting there with the black keys

the white keys

spread in front of me.

My reflection in the shiny surface of the piano.

Listening from under a cloud to the words I knew so very well.

And, feeling them all the way through- feelings I didn't know before,

 didn't even know to miss. 

But feelings that had been slowly growing until finally,

 a year ago,

He.

Came into my heart and mind 

and I gave up me, sitting there at the piano, and now 

a year later, though some things are still the same, and some things are still changing

I'm happy to say I am different

because He changed me.

_________________________________________________

Today marks 1 year since I finally was assured deep inside that I am, indeed a Child of God.

I grew up in a Christian home and knew everything I needed to know 

but

I wasn't ready inside. Intellectually I understood, but my emotions weren't prepared yet.

I did believe, in a childish way, but it didn't really change much. I lived as was expected of me more or less, and thought of myself as a good Christian Girl. Which on the outside I was, and I assume still am.

When I got to be a teen I began realizing being a 'Christian Girl' was by no means being a sinless one.

I was feeling only too well just what a sinner I really was, had been and to my sorrow still am.

Not something you realize when you're an innocent little one in Sunday School and VBS.

But something that comes crashing in with a clap of frightening thunder when your mind matures a little, and you see yourself for the human you really are.

So I lived, like the poem says, under a cloud for several years, pretending and patching things up inside, but never having the guts to admit the truth, even to myself.

I remembered asking Jesus to save me when I was little, but I didn't really feel it. I still don't know if I was before, but finally one day, in a special communion service, I sat listening to the Aspects of the Cross, knowing I wasn't sure I was worthy to take the bread and the juice. 

But I was finally emotionally ready to put my full trust and faith in Jesus, not just asking Him to save me, but giving Him my life.

So there it is.

My testimony in brief. (There is more I could go into of the circumstances God used to bring me to this point, but for times sake I won't.)

Since then, though doubt still tries to creep in, I have never let it take over again.

As C.S. Lewis said,

'Faith is the art of holding onto things in spite of your changing feelings and circumstances."

And if there is one thing I've learned, that's it.

And so today, 1 year later, I'm

SO SO SO very thankful for my salvation.

The thing I want most of all is to value it more and more.

Understand it more and more.

Love and Live for Him more and more.

Show Him to others.

Become more like Him. Oh it seems so painfully SLOW sometimes. I feel like Paul-

"Chief of Sinners. Who can deliver me from the body of this death?"

"That which I would, that I do not. That which I would not, that I do."

It's hard.

But Jesus is helping me.

And He'll help you, Christian, be you girl or guy, young or old.

And if you don't know Him-

He's waiting for you.

If you want to ask me anything about it, anytime, please let me know.

//2 Timothy 6:5-6//

Popular Teaching-

Gain=Godliness

Paul's Teaching-

Godliness=Gain

____________________________________________________________________________

5 Perverse disputings of men of corrupt minds, and destitute of the truth, supposing that gain is godliness: from such withdraw thyself.

6 But godliness with contentment is great gain.

Was this popular(and false) teaching just a problem in the Church in Ephesus

or

is it still a problem in the Church today??

The health, wealth and prosperity gospel; this erroneous message is not new.

What you have equates to how Godly you are, is what they say,

But

Paul says "Godliness with contentment is great gain."

 WHAT we have is not what really matters.

WHO we have, and who we are in Him.

That's what matters.

In Paul's time, the Greek Philosophers held that true contentment was found

when a man had all his resources in himself.

When he was self-sufficient.

Paul is using this idea, but transcending these men's self-centered ideology.

He's telling us true contentment is found when all our resources,

all our dependence,

all our happiness,

is wrapped up in God alone.

"Thou shalt not covet"

"...For I have learned, in whatsover state I am, therewith to be content..."

Be content.

-thoughts from tonight's message at church-

Ponderous Thoughts

-Ponderous Thoughts-

Always thinking, even when I'm resting they're there

Like a leaden weight that comes

fighting to life again like a wildcat.

So heavy. They make me clumsy, they trip me up over and over.

On my shoulder-worse. In my mind.

Like having to carry an elephant(that should be carrying me.)

Great monstrous beast.

But then, a long time ago,

Someone else had a ponderous load

that wasn't by right His to carry.

That shouldn't have been a burden at all.

One of others creation, a fallen creation

Not like my self-made elephant-

 HE was master

and the load should have been under His feet

not on His back. 

Wooden Beams of Infinite Heaviness.

The master carrying, and not just carrying the underling, but

every woe and evil the fallen underling x 6 billion x 6 thousand years x an infinity of sin.

More than we can conceive of.

Carrying it all uphill, dying with it, washing it away and rising up above it, above all of it.

Covering it.

Covering me.

So maybe these ponderous thoughts are no curse

Even if a cursed mind and body must bear them

taint them with my own earthiness

and maybe when it seems I shouldn't have to carry them

I can just remember I'm just a servant after all

and made for burden of purpose and glory.

Maybe it seems the thoughts should lighten my load

but maybe they can lighten others

and that,

combined with Grace,

makes the unbearable burden

a little more bearable.

H.D.

_________________________________________________________________________________