//haiku #23 //

via pinterest

from this sturdy bridge

i will watch your world grow by

for you might not see

i suddenly realized i hadn't written a haiku in ages.

i literally have no name for this post (it's a tag though)

Olivia @ summer of 1999 tagged me for this, so many thanks to her(also look at her blog because it is deeply wonderful). However, I don't know quite what the tag is called, so.
The tag is to list 11 facts and answer 11 questions... we've already established my badness at fact-listing, but I'll try.

1. I have brown hair and amber eyes(lets start with basics)
2. Glasses are fabulous and I want to try contacts.
3. I  get in a really bad mood if I haven't eaten well.(It's hard on diets:/)
4. I dream of being able to have voice lessons and sing opera. (I'm slowly beginning to despair of either)
5. I hope I can travel, sooner rather than later. Top three destinations- Italy, France, and Morocco.
6. I attend a conservative, fundamental Baptist church.
7. I'm lactose intolerant, and somewhat digestively sensitive in general.
8. The above is due to the fact that I'm easily stressed, and have had mild social anxiety since I was like 7(I didn't realize this until recently) and have worried my stomach into dysfunction. Thankfully God has helped me begin to overcome this, but...
9. I'm INTP/FP on the Meyers-Briggs type system.
10. I'm running out of questions.
11. Little boys are really annoying if they are closer than 10 feet to you.


1. What's your favorite meal? Hmmm. Hm, hm, hm. I'm kind of into food sooo... I like hummus wraps. And Annie's Mac'n'cheese. White cheddar. Oh glorious. Bread, too, in any form and with plenty of butter. Wait these are foods not meals. No, I don't consider those things together a meal haha.
2. Do you have bookshelves in your room? Yes, two, both over-ful, as well as a sizeable pile beside/under my bed. It bugs my sister. I'm hoping to make(or have made by mom) another for my personal/current books. We'll see. 
3. What is something you like about yourself? Ugh. At the moment not much. My bangs? I guess?
5. Sweaters or flannel? Both. But sweaters I wear more, and look better, so technically sweaters.
6. Greeks or Romans? Greeks, 'cause, you know. They're all philosophers, and I have... a sort of... thing for philosophers. There, it's public.
7. Favorite book of the Bible and why? Oh, boy. Probably Ecclesiastes. It's so philosophical and written beautifully, as well as great content. Job, too. It's beautiful, has wonderful lessons, and I think it's amazing how such an ancient book is so skillful crafted and relevant(take that, cavemen. Another things I have, in this case against. I hate cavemen. So, so much. Don't even get me started.) And, 1 Peter is good too, to list one from the NT.
8. Name you would name your first boy and girl? These are so hard. Felix Christopher and Agnes Rose are my picks of the moment(I know I'm not the only one who has accumulated a huge amount of lists of baby names and can never remember a single name when you need one)
9. Best candle scent?  I don't  really use candles. though I really like them. I just got a new perfume from Tokyo Milk, it's from their Dark- Fate and Fortune collection and it's called Destiny. It smells SO GOOD, I never spend $10 on a perfume but I couldn't resist it. Gah.
10. One sentence to describe your best friend? (I know it's hard- I don't care) A starry eyed romantic who looks up into the night to avoid facing any darkness within. (Extra points if you can guess who this poetic being is;)
11. Spirit animal? Hm, I'm going to go with a butterfly.

I loved the questions, for mine how about answering the facts I listed-
1. Hair/eye color
2. Feelings on glasses? Do you wear them? 
3. Big or small eater?
4. Life dream/goal
5. Top three travel destinations
6. Church Denomination/ religion
7. Any food allergies/sensitivities? 
8. A fault you need to/are working on overcoming
9. Meyers-Briggs type if you know it, brief personality description if you don't.
10. Favorite time period
11. Pet peeve

I'm tagging 
Shandi- Ava- Lauren- Whoever else
Thanks for reading and have fun!!

c r e a t i v e b l o g g e r a w a r d

The wonderful artist Ava @ http://landofquiet.blogspot.com/ nominated me!! Thank you so very much <3 i="">

artwork by the talented Ava!! Probably the prettiest blog award picture I've ever seen:)

Guidelines:
Thank the person who nominated you and include a link to their blog.
Share five facts about yourself.
Nominate a list of around 10-15 bloggers, add their links, and notify them.
Include these rules in your post.

Five Facts:
1. I'm really, really bad at coming up with facts about myself. Eep.

2. I need to get back at drawing more because I haven't had time lately. I'm working on a fun painting project now though! Super excited about it, it'd better work out well.

3. I've actually not been writing seriously(if you can call my sporadic offerings serious) for very long. I wrote when I was little, odd poems(I should share one here) and odder stories. But I usually petered out quickly... I'm still not good at extensive writing by hand. That being said, I've always been creating stories, whether sketching them, playing them with my sister and friends, or just telling them at night with my sister. Or, making them up in my head. Preferably in the shower so no one is too weirded out by my faces.

4. I'm the oldest of 5 siblings. Take that and do with it what you will. I don't really think I'm too bossy though. I can be when I need to be. I'm homeschooled.... I'm doing online college classes through BJU, currently, and I'll be increasing my amount of classes next semester.

5. As I write, I'm listening to jazz on a 1970s clock radio that looks almost just like this one. Bless public radio!! And older people who never get rid of anything until my sisters helping them clean and likes said radio. It honestly still works quite well, although it makes odd sounds at times, and the alarm doesn't function. Older things were made so much better.

How some people have interesting facts to write about themselves. Probably because they have interesting lives outside their shower stories. I'm in the Sound of Music now though! I'm excited about that, I'm the Mother Abbess:) You'll probably hear more going forward.

Ok, I don't think I can possibly come up with 10-15 bloggers... how about
Shandi @ Beyond the Ordinary
Olivia @ summer of 1999
Evelyn @ the raven + the writer
And, if you want to do it, do it. I haven't put out enough roots in the blog land to really have a ton of people to tag!! Everyone's creative somehow, so you qualify no matter what;)

Good night every one... hope you had a good Sunday!!

//shadows//

via pinterest

The shadows of doubt in my heart, are perhaps only the areas where my self and sin are blocking the light of God. 

The areas where obstacles, real or imagined, purposeful or unaware, are between me and illumination. Darkening my vision and rendering difficult trust.

 Take my hand, oh Lord, and guide me out of those dark places. Or if it's Your will, help me learn to lean on You with my own eyes shut.

//what do i know?//

via pinterest

I start to write of things I've never known. But then I remember-
"write what you know."

what do I know?

I know of lonely nights, reproving your mind and trying to pray
sleep coming, like a reprieve,
like a 'take 5' from your feelings.

i know of being happy over something silly
and sad over something sillier.

i know of hating and loving yourself and
the world, wanting to fix both
and not being able to
do either.

But all I need to know, and want to know better,
is that God is bigger than anything I know. He is more than those things,
the answer to them all.

This
I know

from my 'diary', Feb. 1 2016

(how often do you think I should post? do I post too often? I mean, I personally devour other peoples posts as fast as they can write them, but for someone new to my blog there are kind of a lot of posts to go through. thoughts? thanks. )

// the truth about love //

alright, we've had a lovely time with roses, lace and love songs. (at least that was the idea. also sorry i failed on song+story). it's nice to focus on love, even romantic love, and to let yourself sigh over the day that might come.

but, days that might come, and a true love that lives in them, aren't the thing to focus on. valentines day is a beautiful holiday for lovers and the loved- but what about those who don't know love? who aren't in any relationship on this day of chocolate and red hearts?

what of those who don't know what the truth about love even is?

valentines day has a high suicide rate, at the beginning a climb in statistics that carries over into the spring/summer. the rush and glow of the holidays wears off, and sad people who were distracted for a moment feel loneliness rushing in again. as spring approaches, they feel things should be getting better, but it often isn't. and the coming of a day to celebrate love, especially romantic love, is enough for many people to drive them to the edge.

{ for those who are sad, happiness isn't happiness. it's easy to think you should try to comfort someone with cheerful words and distractions. for some it helps. but often, to a truly depressed or unhappy individual, happiness can feel like a sham. it doesn't help, but instead stings them like vinegar in a wound. }

in today's world(and i think ever since the fall) culture is obsessed with what it thinks is 'love'. love has become defined as sex, and your inherent value reduced to your appeal thereunto. its not just a problem of today, although modern technology and media have probably taken it to a whole new kind of level. its been a problem since the first bite into the forbidden. in the early passages of genesis we read of the sons of god(debate exists over who/what they were. it doesn't matter for this point, but its an interesting study) and their somehow illicit relationship with the daughters of men.

 from this point on, both the bible and human history is laced with a constant edge of this problem. it ebbs socially, it wanes socially. but the problem is not one of culture- it is one of the human heart. we far too easily blame 'culture' as if it was its own entity. 'culture' exists because individuals make it the norm. of course, this isn't to say that culture doesn't effect our thinking as we live within it, it does. but this is the effect of people on people, of right vs. wrong. not victimization. we are all responsible for our own actions, and our philosophy behind them.

we can sometimes tend as christians to very harshly judge our world and their fallen shortcomings, for some reason expecting they should live to a standard not given to them. but given to us. their standard is nothing. the fact that they have any moral compass whatsoever is only a testimony to God and His goodness, not a reflection of some goodness in human nature. and we so easily forget(i'm not sure how, since often our hearts speak it louder than even our lips can denounce it) that 'of such were some of us.' and 'but for the grace of God- there am i.'

God's word is given for his people to live and judge themselves by. within reason, one another. but i think we can err when we use it too much to try to influence and judge the world. our lives and presence are(or should be) the conviction and testimony that they need. i don't remember where i read(well i think it was pinterest, but i don't remember the author) that as christians our hands should be extended in love, not pointed in accusation. don't you think that a life truly lived to God is more of a stab in the heart than our harshest judgement could be? (see 1 Cor. 6, and 1 Cor. in general.) we are ambassadors, and when we must condemn we must. but our first task is to try to reconcile and draw others.

now, this is not to say that judging sin is wrong, judging as in calling it for what it is. sin is sin. no ifs ands and buts. its so hard, nearly impossible as humans, to wrap our minds around it, because to our eyes everything is on such a graph, a scale of good to bad. but to God, who is goodness himself, anything less, anything fallen, is bad. to us, we can see someone as worse than us- but there is surely someone we can see as better. not so for God. any goodness he can see in us is only his own grace by the sacrifice of himself in the person of His son.

which brings us back around to love.

its such an overused word. even when it's not stated as a word, it's a sentiment that has been watered down to nothing.

i love you.

how little those words can really mean. and yet how much. sometimes those who mean it most don't even say them at all.

but when you are separated from God, there is no way to really know what love means. this is something hard for me to accept and understand. i see people who are unsaved and yet they are loving. to their children, spouses, friends. and yet the truest love, God's love- this can only biblically be found in Christ.

 'herein is love- that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.' 

this is real love. this is, when it comes down to it, the only love that really, eternally, matters. because until we accept Christ's love despite ourselves, nothing else will last. and if something is nothing in the end, than what was it to begin with? this is the love that changed my life, that will continue to, in spite of me, because of Him. it's painful, but growing is. but how can we be selfish enough to keep it to ourselves? we share the judgement but not the salvation. yes, people need to know just how filthy they really are. but you don't just point out their dirt, you have to hand them the one thing that can clean them. only Christ can save, with or without us. but wouldn't we rather be used by Him in this work than have to be worked around and through?

i admit that i'm the last person who should talk. i mentioned on new years what a struggle it was just for me to hand out a tract. (i still stew over that, wondering if i should do more, or shouldn't have done it. knowledge of what is right just doesn't help sometimes.) i'm often nervous to just go through a checkout line. but in the face of my own selfishness, does the need to love dim? it can't. i can't let it.

when it comes to the end, the point is this-

the truth about love is that it's only as valuable as how much it's shared. Christ's love is infinite and it extends beyond the reach of time. we have to share it. love is what can save lives. all those people who will take their own lives tomorrow because they don't feel loved- if they only knew their true worth, of the so much better love that is theirs alone and everyone in the worlds at once.

we have that love in our hands. giving it away only increases it.

valentine's day is beautiful, and yet it also is an ugly curse. its best celebrates a gift, that on even the basest of levels is still a thing of pleasure given. and yet it also shows us the awful truth of what our lives can really be. without love, without God- so very empty.

but with it- it can be so full.

i'm sorry to be so dark. but we can't look away from the truth. i'm talking to myself more than anyone else. but i think it's something we all can always use a reminder of, no matter what.

i do hope you have a good valentines day and sunday. rejoice in your knowledge of what love is- and then share it. and i'd like to hear your thoughts on the article- do you agree? disagree? i want to hear opinions... a lot of these things that i write are me trying to figure them out. throwing them out for my own consideration and yours. so thanks if you read my rants, and sorry if you don't:) a year from now i may read this and have  differences with it. but you have to lay things out to sort them. anyways.

{if you're reading this and you don't know this love, please ask me. or if you are struggling somehow- please know there are people who love you, no matter how it feels. and there is God. }

// valentine playlist //

I'm just going to scratch the project this week, because I don't have a project worth sharing. Everyone knows how to make Valentines, I'd say. So I'm going to do the playlist today, song+ story tomorrow, and the Bible post on Sat. That works for me, since it's hard to get around to posting on Sun. anyways. Sorry about not having a project to post!(Keep going past the huge graphic to get to links and a ramble by yours truly)

Ok so I haven't talked about it much on this blog, but music is a major part of my life. I love to sing, along with my sister. I (occasionally if you're talking seriously playing) play piano, organ, pennywhistle, I can attempt three chords on the guitar and I'm hoping to soon get a ukulele. I'm not someone who'd say 'music is my life' because I don't necessarily look at it that way, anymore than art or writing are 'my life' in totality. And yet, it is a constant, something that's been part of me for forever, and something that always will be. Also, I'm not one who can actually always be listening to music. I don't like to have it going unless I can give it the mental attention it deserves. It feels somehow disrespectful to the music and musicians to be talking over or ignoring it. But when I want my music- I want it. Alright enough of my musical rambling.... It's not something I can really express or write about. My inner relationship with music as a whole is not even something I fully understand myself. It's a cause of inner turmoil tbh. Ok Ok enOUGH.

 Without further ado, here are some of my favorite love songs, for your listening pleasure!

Enjoy.

 Perhaps Love- John Denver and Placido Domingo

Mona Lisa- by Nat King Cole  

From this Moment- Susan Boyle and Placido Domingo  

Where do I begin?(Love Story)- Piero Barone.   I'm so sorry(not).

When I Fall in Love- Jackie Evancho  

Notte Stellata (The Swan) - Il Volo (I've mentioned my love for 'The Swan' & this vocal version is 👌

Se- Josh Groban  

Rejoice- Katherine Jenkins  

Questo Amore- Il Volo

Can't Help Falling in Love with You - Elvis Presley or Gianluca Ginoble... tbh I have to say this is the best version out there. Sorry top fans ;)

A Thousand Years- Christina Perri (disclaimer: I have not (and never will) watched or read Twilight. It's just a great song.)

My Heart is Yours- Alfie Boe

Serenade by Schubert- this is me a few years ago actually and you probably could find a more well executed version if you search it. 

Tchaikovsky: Piano Concerto No. 1 in B-flat minor, Op. 23 (1948)  on this one, don't feel like you need to listen to the whole thing, although it's beautiful. The first movement, until 3:15 is just utterly necessary. 

A Loving Heart- Steve Pettit Evangelistic Team 

 Hymn to Love- Edith Piaf

So, how do you like them? My music taste is probably a little odd(the girl I babysit describes it as-

 'Old people music! You're not allowed to listen to ANnnnYTHING unless it's in a different lannnngu-age!' 

Which just isn't true. Right?

I want to hear some songs that YOU like! Comment! Tell me how you feel about these!

// la vie en rose makeup tutorial //

You will need:

Eyeshadows

Seashell pink (pale, shimmery)

Dark Rose (think slightly dried out rose, matte)

Plum Wine (deep purple with burgundy and gold shimmer)

Bone (shimmer)

Mascara

Your gorgeous face

First, put a pale shimmery seashell pink on your eyelid. I don't go to the browbone but that's preference.

Brush a darker rose along the top of the crease onto the lower edge of the browbone.

Put a deeper wine purple along the crease. I'm usually striving to make my eyes look more heavy lidded, so I put it fairly high to give that illusion. Make sure you blend it all well.. go back and repeat the steps if it looks like it needs in. It's like drawing- start faint and work darker.

Put shimmery bone color in the corner and tight line the water line.

Mascara. My secret is to brush your lashes in 4 times, out 4 times, seperate them, then slowly brush them all out. I found that on Pinterest. Also I tightlined my upper lid with black but you don't need to.

Sorry the pic quality is very bad... I hope you can kind of see. I'm not sure why someone who can't take a selfie and rarely wears much eye makeup really thought doing this was such a grand idea...

and of course, the inspiration song to listen to while you do it!

// valentine moodboard //

{ today's post was supposed to be some sort of project or pictures of my project, but that didn't happen. 

so i guess i'll throw together a little picture post, because it seems the easiest thing to do. }

  

//all images via pinterest //

// a brief history of Valentine's Day //

via pinterest

I'm going to be dedicating this week to all things lovey and girly and pink, because who says a black-wearing, severely single girl can't celebrate Valentine's Day? Here's the planned schedule:

Monday- a brief history of Valentine's Day 

Tuesday- project: valentines

Wednesday- Valentine's makeup look

Thursday- mood board/pictures

Friday - playlist

Saturday- song+story Saturday(I didn't forget, I decided to move it up a week)

Sunday- bible verses & more

Of course this is subject to slight change, but this is a basic idea of what to look for. Now then, on to

A Brief History of Valentine's Day.

Now, the story I'd heard( if I were being fully transparent here I'd admit it was on Adventures in Odyssey) was that St. Valentine was a priest who bravely defied a Roman emperor. Said emperor had issued a decree that young men/soldiers could not marry, on the grounds this would make for better soldiers. Valentine performed marriage ceremonies in secret, and was captured and sentenced to die. Further variations include his healing of a blind jailers daughter, with whom he also fell in love. Before he died, he sent her a note of love signed 'your Valentine'. It's a very sweet story, but apparently(and unsurprisingly) of dubious authenticity.

Another theory is that a pagan fertility festival was integrated into the Church calendar, as was the case for other holidays. This doesn't have much support either. In actuality, the first association of St. Valentine's Day with love didn't come until the Middle Ages, when Chaucer wrote a couplet about the birds mating season beginning on St. Valentine's Day. This may or may not even have been the same date, as there was another St. Valentine whose feast day was in May. Either way, this was the beginning of St. Valentine's Day being celebrated as a holiday of love. The social time of courtly love helped it to begin to blossom. 

With most modern holidays, the celebration of Valentine's Day as we know it really took off with the Victorians. The Industrial Age enabled mass produced Valentine's and related projects to be manufactured and available. And the postal service aided in anonymity of messages sent back and forth. Since then, marketing still plays a major part in the day, which has spread around the world.

Even though it's background is not as romantic(see what I did there) as it could be, Valentine's Day is nonetheless a wonderful time to celebrate God's gift of love. Romantic love, and other kinds as well- familial, friendship, or if you're totally alone, you can just buy yourself some chocolate and watch a movie. Sounds good to me! It's also a good time to indulge in pink, pretty things, and remember that spring is on the way! 

And of course if you have found your true love, it's the best of days to celebrate just how much you love each other. 

I hope you'll enjoy this week... If you have any suggestions or contributions you'd like to make, esp. song suggestions, let me know! 

via pinterest

// to be led //

What I'm learning is that to be led by God will not mean static waiting for some invisible and mysterious sign or a voice to illuminate a perfect path. Being led by someone implies movement. And, that you don't nessecarily know where you're going, but that you're trusting someone with better vision than you to take you where you need to be. That isn't even always where you think, or want, to be going. But when you're trusting someone who loves you, you know that they want and will do what's best for you.

Submitting to Christs leading and will, won't mean sitting and waiting. At last I'm realizing this! It will mean moving forward with new freedom, for he will work all out for good. You have to be obedient to scriptural commands and prayerfully trying to make good descisions. But if you make a mistake- listen.

 You can't ruin Gods plan. You might be able to mess it up, humanly speaking, but in the end, the goal is Christlikeness and Heavens glory. On earth, perfection can't happen, until you accept what to you might seem bad. But when you trust in Christ, then and only then imperfect earthly life can be perfected.

This is something I'm thinking about lately, and you'll probably hear more about it. Do you as a reader prefer strictly this sort of thing, or do you like some poetic and project variety? Because I was thinking about doing some style posts, most specifically a Valentine's Day makeup look. Let me know what you think!!